POST 336.

I don't know what else to say.

I mean, I just screwed it all up. This must be my worst monday ever. Ever.

Whatever I thought I did well in, I didn't. I was told that I did quite well on my math investigation and so, at that point, of course I was ecstatic. Then when I decided to make a foolish decision and ask to see my paper, I was completely taken by shock. A 4 out of 8 for the knowledge criteria which should be A and a 5 out of 6 for both reflection criteria. No effing way. I just passed. my knowledge criteria. 

I can't think of any reasonable explanation. I used to ace my knowledge criteria last year and suck at my reflections. Right now, I completely suck at knowledge, including tests. I'm no longer acing math, I'm on the verge of failing. it. If it weren't for my reflections, I'd be getting border line fours.

Then moving onto english which is my major screw up for today. Thinking I would do quite well for my timed commentary, I didn't. I got a 4, a point away from a 5. Great, even in English I'm getting 4s now. The worst feeling was, there was no way I could've prevented it. I got a 4 for what I wrote. What I believed was what the question was asking me to. Basically meaning, I was writing a stupid essay on something that was totally not what it was asking, something that was completely pointless, without even knowing it. The whole time, I was writing crap without knowing it. 

I don't know what's going on with me. Maybe it's just all the stress and pressure that's getting to me, or maybe it's my procrastination habits. Never have I ever felt so screwed up. I was doing fine last year, completely fine, even setting a record for myself to beat: 46 in overall. Right now, it seems impossible. I'm not even close. I keep trying to maintain my 6s and it's doing nothing but dragging everything down. Even my English. 

I'm at a complete loss for words. The pressure of trying to maintain my grades is getting to me. I drop in any grades and I get yelled at, especially since it's my final year of MYP.  I can't mess anything up. I mean, I'm even thinking of stepping down from A2 higher next year for Chinese and I'm doubting myself for A1 higher for English. It's true. Getting back my English paper today is like a reality check to myself, I really don't know if I can handle A1 Higher English next year. I really don't.

I don't know anything, anymore. I've just screwed up my grades, once again.